“The birth of my second child was the same but different from the birth of my first child.”
Sally kindly tells her story of how the same birth can be a completely different experience.
“I came to hypnobirthing with an open mind and no real expectations of how it might influence or help me. I’d had a difficult birth with my first child; he’d arrived quite unexpectedly 6 weeks early by emergency caesarean. I’d felt quite out of control during his birth, in hindsight there was little communication from the consultant as to what was happening and I didn’t really feel I had much choice in what was happening. Falling pregnant a second time had been a long and difficult road, we lost a baby during our journey and when I became pregnant again it took me a while to not feel anxious and embrace it. I didn’t realise how much this had all affected me until I came to Sheryl and completed the hypnobirthing.”
The Birth
“I woke up early Monday morning with pains, I was 34+5 the exact point in pregnancy I’d had my first son, the pains were the same I knew what was happening. I was in a bit of denial, I got dressed for work and planned to attend a meeting I had scheduled, my husband pointed out how stupid I was being. Never the less I was determined, I dropped my son off at nursery and agreed I’d go home and ring the midwife at 9, she didn’t answer, the pains were becoming increasingly worse so begrudgingly I rang triage who obviously told me to come in. I couldn’t believe I was in labour early again and I had lots of thoughts rushing around about emergency sections and that I was heading down the same path. It turns out, I was on the same journey but I took a different route this time. After a while in triage they confirmed I was in premature labour, this time I was prepared, I asked questions, I discussed my choices, I felt in control, there was no need to rush to theatre. I was admitted and steps were taken to prevent/slow down labour.
Over the next 3 days, I was in and out of contractions, I moved from ward to room several times, it was exhausting but all the way through I discussed my options before I agreed to any procedures or next steps, I opted out of continuous monitoring when it became uncomfortable and I decided it wasn’t necessary when there’d been no change. I made my views clear, I even discussed going home, the hospital staff were not comfortable with that. The contractions varied from mild discomfort to extremely painful. Eventually, my waters broke, at the time I wasn’t been monitored and was moving around it felt good, I agreed to go back on monitoring for a short while, I think I must have sensed I needed to know how baby was because at that point babies heart rate began slowing, every contraction brought it down, gas and air wasn’t helping and I could feel myself begin to panic.
My husband and I took some breaths, he spoke to me calmly, we spoke to the consultant about what needed to happen. The thing is I was never against a c section if it was necessary, yes it wasn’t my preferred birth, I’d started to plan for a home water birth so hospital wasn’t my preferred location, but I was there because that’s where my baby needed me to be, I think the consultant thought I was anti surgery, but actually, all I’d done was ask questions I needed answers to and sought information to make my informed choice. My ultimate concern was babies safe arrival so when the heart rate dropped again I said we needed to go to surgery, I made the choice, with all the information I had. So I ended up with an emergency c section for the second time, with a premature baby, the same journey but I took a more informed route.”
Meeting my Baby
“I was exhausted I’d been in and out of labour since Monday, it was Thursday, I hadn’t slept properly or eaten well. But my baby was safe, he’d arrived and I’d been in control, to feel him in my arms was amazing, he had skin to skin with both me and my husband, my husband got to tell me he was a boy as we hadn’t known and we delayed the cord cutting, all things that had been important to me that I had clearly communicated. It didn’t matter that it hadn’t been a home water birth, what mattered was I had made the choices, I had sought out the information and I had communicated my needs.
Once I knew he was safe and well I pretty much passed out, I needed oxygen and I think I scared my husband but rest was all I needed then. The next few weeks were difficult, Freddie spent some time in neonatal and we had to stay in transitional care, we were quite lucky that we were discharged just before the country locked down. I had the confidence to discuss our discharge with the consultant and bring it forward with a plan for home in place.
On the face of it, I could say both of my births were premature babies who were delivered by emergency c section, but that would not do justice to the difference in these experiences, my feelings towards my births are very different, this was certainly a more positive and empowering birth than the first.”
Which of these words do you associate with your experience?
Choice Control Calm Comfortable Confident
“I could probably say all 5, I was calm in the days leading up to the birth as me and my husband practised the hypnobirthing techniques, I felt in control and that I had choices throughout which I discussed and I had the confidence to do this. Comfortable is probably the only one that perhaps doesn’t apply, it’s hard to be comfortable in the physical sense in hospital, and emotionally i wasn’t comfortable as I was missing my oldest son, it was hard to be apart from him whilst in hospital.”
Reflecting on the impact of the course Sally says;
“If any of my friends asked me about hypnobirthing I would say ‘Do it, you won’t regret it.’ I wish I’d known about hypnobirthing when I was pregnant with my first
The most important thing I have learned is that I have a choice, it is my body and my birth and I can be in control of that.
I am really proud of my partner for been open to hypnobirthing, remaining calm and using the techniques when my head was a foggy mess.
Knowledge is so important for birth, both how birth happens, I’d never really thought about what your body is actually doing when giving birth but understanding that helps to make sense of what you need to do and how things like breathing help, and the need to remain calm and how this aids birth. And also in the sense of having choices and not just going along with what medical professionals might be saying.
I cannot thank Sheryl enough for how she changed my perception of birth, she eased anxieties I didn’t know I had and helped me to confidently deliver little Freddie into the world.”
Thank you so much to Sally and Brett, who gave permission for me to share their story. This is such a special one, as it really highlights the difference appropriate preparation can make to how we experience birth. Brett was a tough cookie, but even he caved to the logic of hypnobirthing after the first session! I’ll remember this story the most though because Sally and Brett’s first birth was around the same time, in the same hospital, as my healing birth, and it felt so unfair when we realised that. It honestly was the best news to hear that their second experience had been “the same but different.” I can’t believe it has been a year!
