“An intense and amazing experience of birth and of the female, human body, and what it is capable of if we give it the chance.”
Amie and Danny’s 2nd attempt at a homebirth turned out to be exactly what it needed to be. Here is their story as told by Amie:
“I’m mummy to two beautiful girls, Isla who is nearly 4 and Lola 4 months, I had two very different birth experiences, despite planning for them both very similarly. I had practised hypnobirthing during my first pregnancy and put lots of time effort into researching birth and how I wanted mine to go. I even considered working with a doula but after a conversation with my other half, we decided (well he did more than me!) not to work with one, just because we had already spent a substantial amount of money on our private hypnobirthing course.
We planned a natural, homebirth but unfortunately, it didn’t go the way we planned, simply because we didn’t have the right support around us. I carried an immense amount of guilt around for years in relation to Isla’s birth, I felt I had failed her at the first hurdle, and I felt deeply sorry for her, for the way she arrived into the world. After numerous therapy sessions in relation to this, that guilt has subsided somewhat, but some remains even to this day, and I think it always will. I had always regretted not having a doula present to support me with my first birth and I wholeheartedly believe that was the missing piece in our first experience.
When I found out I was pregnant with my second baby, it wasn’t even a question, I knew I had to have a doula, this is when I reached out to Sheryl.
My labour started around 3am on Thursday 5th November, I woke feeling some faint twinges that felt a bit like period type pain and feeling a strong urge to go for a wee, I saw a spot of blood and this is how I knew things were kicking off! I texted Sheryl and not knowing how long things could last at this pace I went back to bed and dozed on and off for an hour until I started to feel regular surges and started timing them on my phone. I stayed in bed listening to some chilled music (hello backstreet boys) while breathing through each surge.
By 4:30am I decided it was time to wake Danny up as I could feel things progressing quickly. I waited for a gap in the surges and walked across the landing into Isla’s room where they were both sleeping; I whispered to Danny that things had started and left again, knowing I only had a minute or so before the next surge would come, and I didn’t want to be caught off guard. I distinctively remember him texting me asking if he should get up, this still makes me laugh now, erm YES I’m in established labour!!! I guess he just wanted a bit more sleep! But on a serious note, I think that is testament to how calm I was, he didn’t really know what ‘stage’ I was at, at that point. Much to Danny’s disappointment (I’m joking…am I?) he got up and started making the preparations in readiness for us to meet our baby!
It wasn’t long before Isla woke up just after 5 and came in to see me, she made me laugh - I’d explained to her beforehand that laughing helps the baby come out (relaxes the pelvic floor) so she knew it was her job to make me laugh and she did it with great success. I had planned to keep Isla at home for the birth, but something instinctively told me to ask her if she wanted to go to her grandmas and she did so off she went about 6am when her grandma arrived to pick her up. Not long after Isla left, Sheryl arrived and we had a chat, she sat with me through my surges and pushed on my back through some of them to ease the tension. After about half an hour we decided together it was time to call the midwives.
I wasn’t actually 100% sure how I wanted to meet my baby, except I knew I wanted it to be calm, unmedicated and as unassisted as possible. When thinking about it, I thought I wanted to have a dry birth, but when things got going, I instinctively sought the comforting feeling of warm water.
I pretty much laboured laying down on my left side until I was in the pool birthing Lola’s head. I really focussed on my breathing, I found if I was in the zone, calm and laid down the surges were much easier to work with. If I was up having a wee for example and not able to make it back to my spot on the bed before the next surge came, they felt much more intense and harder to breathe through. I had stuck affirmations up on my wardrobes & fairy lights around my bed, but in all honesty, I didn’t even notice they were there – I didn’t need them, I already fully trusted myself and my ability to birth my baby, so I didn’t need a reminder. With every surge, I remember saying to myself in my head “I’m opening up, I’m going to get massive” which may sound strange, but I’d heard it in a birth story in Ina May Gaskin’s book Spiritual Midwifery and it just stuck with me. Things ended up going so quickly, I joked after that I should have been saying “I’m not opening up, things are moving slowly”!
Shortly after Danny called the midwives, I felt an urge to be in water but the pool wasn’t ready, so Danny ran me a bath. Despite not using the affirmations stuck around my room, there were a few moments I needed reassurance. When in the bath I remember saying to Sheryl and Danny that I hoped the midwives got here soon because I wanted gas and air (well at least that’s when I think I asked for it? It’s all a little blurry). I remember Sheryl asking me why I felt I needed it as she knew my wishes for a completely unmedicated birth. I can’t really remember what I said or what she responded, but in hindsight, I suspect this was the transition phase when things heated up and I doubted my ability to do it.
After a few surges, my waters broke in the bath and I suddenly felt a shift, I knew I was close and I needed to get in the pool – which still wasn’t full enough! I waited for a gap in the surges and went downstairs quickly to the living room and got in the pool. Again, affirmations littered my walls, but I never once looked at them, I had all I needed in my head and in Danny and Sheryl.
Maybe 4 or 5 surges later, another moment of doubting myself, lots of staring into Sheryl’s eyes and saying, “she’s coming” and Lola’s head was born. I didn’t even realise it was her head at first, it quite literally popped out, I remember asking Sheryl what ‘that’ was and Sheryl responding that it was my baby’s head, and I could touch it if I wanted. It felt so warm and soft and I could feel her turning her head around!
The next part of this story should be telling you how the rest of her body was born and Danny and I cradled her and guided her out of the water, but in actual fact, the next thing that happened was the hose pipe that was still filling the pool shot out of the water and started spraying the room! So here I was, Lola’s head out, holding onto the hosepipe!
The next surge came and out slipped her whole body, it all happened so quickly that I wasn’t quite ready to catch her, Danny actually wasn’t in the room as he had gone to turn the tap off in the kitchen after said hosepipe incident! Little Lola floated in the water for a second before Sheryl helped me and reminded me to slowly lift her out of the pool to take her first breath. She was born at 7:24am & weighed 8lbs 10oz. Lola arrived before the midwives arrived, I truly did birth my baby completely unassisted, which was my dream.
She cried straight away & I remember throwing my head back in disbelief & saying “I did it” & looking down at Lola & saying “we did it, well done” - that single moment is maybe the most powerful moment I’ve ever experienced. I birthed my baby, at home, without a single intervention or even a midwife present! I honestly felt like superwoman! How amazing is the female body?!
I don’t suppose it was really the ‘plan’, as Danny wasn’t even in the room when Lola was born, and I hadn’t planned to be in the pool with a baby’s head hanging out of my vagina while holding a hosepipe spurting water everywhere. But none of it mattered, Danny was seconds away and I had Sheryl with me the whole time. I will be forever grateful to both Danny & Sheryl for helping me achieve something I needed so desperately for myself & for baby Lola. I am quite positive we will always remember, remember the 5th of November, but not quite for the same reasons as most.”
Wow! What a story. I’m honoured to have played a part in this experience. I asked Amie to complete a few sentences to finish with here they are;
The most important thing I have learned is…
That the ‘perfect birth’ doesn’t really exist, I don’t think, but that my healing birth was exactly what it needed to be.
If I could go back in time and tell myself anything I would say…
In relation to Isla’s pregnancy – WORK WITH A DOULA!!!
I am really proud of myself and my partner for…
Working together to create the possibility that we would get our homebirth.
Birth experiences are important because …
Birth can be so much more than what we give it credit for. Birth should be an empowering experience that demonstrates the capability of the female sex, not something we have to get through or endure because it really can be MUCH more than that.
And really what more is there to say?
Birth matters and an empowered birth can change everything.
