Steph and Dan hired me as their doula in 2021 to help them prepare for their first experience of birth.
I asked Steph some questions about her experience and here are her answers, interspersed with parts of the story that I’ve added (with permission).
Before we worked together what were your feelings about birth?
“I had inherited trauma from my own birth, and fear and distrust of medical professionals in general but probably subliminal fear from society too. I felt instinctively that the current approach to medicalised birth was not the path I wanted to go down and carried a great deal of fear of being out of control and/or having things done to me.”
Describe how you knew you were in the early stages of labour, and how you were feeling during this time, what you did, and anything remarkable or unremarkable about it.
“Oh gosh, I had been having niggles on and off for weeks, every time I got excited they stopped.
So on the 27th of August I lost my plug and all morning of the 28th I had back ache, but I wasn’t in labour, I convinced myself it wasn’t early labour. Around 4pm my waters went. We sat down to watch Marvel infinity War at about 6pm and about an hour in, I knew things were ramping up and decided to get in the shower and call Sheryl.”
Steph had put a lot of thought into her birth plan and what she wanted from her experience. Everything was in place for her to birth at home, with very specific instructions to be left to labour without intervention unless requested. I joined Steph and Dan at around 9pm that night and it was clear that Steph was in some discomfort that was unusual, with a lot of pelvis pain in between contractions. We did a few exercises to try and relieve the discomfort and give baby plenty of room, and worked our way through the comfort techniques we had discussed antenatally, until the pool started to call to Steph and we got it ready.
As things became more intense, tell us about your awareness of what was happening and how you protected your oxytocin fuelled experience. Who/what helped you feel calm?
“I feel I went into my own warm dark cosy bubble. Dan helped me but knowing Sheryl was there I think was defo my biggest comfort and knowing I was at home and I was in control.”
By the early hours on the 29th Steph was asking for gas and air, and it was a welcome relief once it arrived. She continued to labour into the afternoon, and coped brilliantly, but understandably was tired. It was only after all that time that she chose to have a vaginal examination, which revealed an almost fully dilated cervix, but a baby’s head that was not ideally positioned for moving down the birth canal. We tried everything! After a few more hours that baby’s head was just not budging and Steph made the call to accept some extra pain relief at home and then transfer in for a caesarean. We all went into hospital together, and Steph made the decision to have a general anaesthetic- not the original plan at all- but she felt strongly that feeling so exhausted was not the right way to meet her baby.
Dan and I helped her prepare for theatre and waited for Baby Thomas to be brought in to meet his Daddy for the first time. I helped to tie the cord tie on and stayed with them until Steph was in recovery at which point I was asked to leave the ward and I said my goodbyes to Dan and Thomas.
Steph, what do you want other people to know about the moment your baby was born? How close was it to ‘the plan’? Did it matter?
“Baby did not arrive to plan A but it didn’t matter because I made all the decisions, trusted what my body and intuition was telling me and with Sheryl’s help was able to stay in control of decision making.
My formative memories of hearing about birth involved language such as ‘they did this and that to me’ which gave me inherited trauma. I didn’t want that and it actually put me off having a baby for so long. So having autonomy in my birth was the most important thing to me.”
I’ve been really looking forward to sharing this story because more often than not the stories I share from my Doula clients are physiological home births, (the majority of my doula clients have physiological home births as planned- they are not cherry picked). This story shows that birth can be empowering and empowered- no matter what. That a change of plan is not an automatic route to trauma- not when the birthing person feels supported and held. I genuinely wasn’t sure how Steph was going to feel afterwards, but she continues to describe her birth as empowering almost a year on.
I asked Steph to finish off by completing the following sentences;
If any of my friends asked me about hypnobirthing I would say…“Do it!”
If I go on to have any more babies I will… “seek Sheryl’s support again and own my birth again.”
The most important thing I have learned is…”working with Sheryl and realising you are in control, you are the only one who decides, is exceptionally powerful and has impacted other areas. I hoped my hypnobirthing work would transform my birth experience but never knew it would positively impact other areas of my life too.”
And finally, Steph can have the final profound word here:
Birth experiences are important because … “It impacts on your whole life.”
