Being positive and planting seeds

When we have a small child we don’t leave things lying about for them to choke on, and then think positively to prevent them from doing so, we MOVE the small insidious objects BEFORE anything bad happens. And you know, if they find something they can choke on, we act upon it and we learn to never let it happen again. Parenting is full of these forward thinking moments. We scan a room on entry for potential hazards and remove them, secure the space, make it SAFE. This is normal. It is what we are programmed to do, to protect ourselves and our young to ensure the continuation of the species.

If you don’t yet have children, you could think maybe in terms of driving, we learn ‘hazard perception’ not because we want something bad to happen, but to avoid the potential hazards to minimise our risks.

In both of these anecdotes, the worst can still happen, and does still happen. Children up and down the country do end up in A&E (mine included) with bumps, cuts and broken bones. Road traffic accidents of every severity still happen every day.

Would you dream of accusing any of those people affected of not ‘thinking positively’ enough?

No of course not. Sometimes bad things happen. It doesn’t mean it is your fault, and nothing can change what has already come to pass. Thinking positively helps us to see past this. To know, we couldn’t have done anything differently, to accept that it is not our own failings that make these things happen.

Before I knew anything about hypnobirthing I was wary about anything that claimed the power of ‘positive thought’. In fact the word positive made me feel uneasy (and in some ways still does). I think it implies that if we think (or even have an awareness) about bad things happening then they will happen.

My problem with this was that firstly it meant I was responsible- and that’s a tough gig. And secondly that it suggested that I shouldn’t educate myself, which is completely counter-intuitive to me.

So, here it is in the context of my life;

Bullied at school and made to feel worthless, something I neither asked for nor deserved- my response- that education would win, that continuing to ‘better’ myself with qualifications and knowledge would prove that I was worthy.

Then, the sudden unexpected death of my mum in December 2001. Well, I can say for sure that when she was lying in ICU on Christmas day, no amount of positive thinking could have made a difference, even though we carried on like nothing had happened, even though we talked about her coming home, she didn’t. And no one was responsible for that.

My lovely Mum and me

So when someone comes along and tries to tell me that just ‘thinking’ will change things, you can understand my scepticism. I bounce between wanting to believe it, but being scared away by the idea that if I let myself believe in anything, something dreadful will happen, as if by divine intervention, to just remind me that actually I have no control of anything in my life.

So, at a time of year when we are encouraged to set goals and believe in ourselves, I’m here to say to you that no amount of believing will make something happen. Yes really.

Why? Why am I saying this? Isn’t it what I am ‘selling’?

Well, no. I’m not.

Positivity works, because saying something bad will happen, won’t prevent it, but it might affect our choices (what’s the point of doing anything if something bad will happen anyway). Saying something good will happen, and working towards that, mind, body and spirit, will improve our chances. And not only that, if it doesn’t go the way we’d hoped, it leaves us knowing without doubt that we were not responsible because we did everything we could.

Thinking positively about childbirth and our parenting journey isn’t about ignoring what can go wrong. It is not the same as pretending, closing our eyes and crossing our fingers and ‘hoping’ for the best. (Not to underestimate the power of hope- read Healing through Hypnobirthing)

It is about being educated (Education matters- feeling and learning). Understanding what is normal. Making informed choices. Predicting and avoiding the pitfalls. Changing the way you think about birth, moving the focus away from fear of the unknown (and therefore renouncing responsibility) and towards channelling the ancient knowledge within us (and therefore accepting a certain amount of responsibility). It is about being prepared mentally, emotionally and physically, in the way that nature intended, so that we can protect ourselves and our young. Not just to ensure the continuation of the species, but to ensure the continued enhancement of the species, by being in the optimum position to nurture our young throughout their critical 1001 days. (Read about the 1001 critical days here).

Am I saying it is bad to think positively? No not at all. Our minds are incredibly powerful and everything that humankind achieves begins as a small seed, a mere possibility amongst the impossible.

But to bear fruit, our chances are better when we DO positively too, when we plant those seeds and tend to them with a love and commitment that shows that we want and deserve more than survival. We deserve to be happy.

Happy New Year, it WILL bring with it all that you wish for AND work towards.

 

Love from

Sheryl @simplynatal