10 things we need from our birthing companions

The nursery has been painted long enough for the smell of paint to fade into a memory. The moses basket or cradle rests, carefully put together, next to your bed. Your hospital bags are organised, packed and waiting close to hand. The pram is in the hallway desperate to be filled and a wardrobe of tiny vests and matching outfits hang freshly washed, promising to be showcased in those first photos.

What next? Have you chosen your birthing companion/s? Have you talked to them about what you need from them? Do they know and understand your wishes? Do YOU know and understand your wishes?

Part of our preparation for birth is also about preparing our birthing companions. When they are prepared, they are much more likely to be useful, and they are an essential part of your birthing team, helping you achieve a positive birthing experience.

So what do you need from them?

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  1. Familiarity- they need to know you as well as possible, your likes, dislikes, your worries, your hopes and your fears. They need to get you as a whole person.

  2. Reliability- you need to know they will be there come hell or high waters.

  3. Continuity- they need to be with you, in body and in mind, throughout pregnancy and labour, they are your continuity of care, your anchor.

  4. Presence- reminding you they are there, either with words or actions, when you need it.

  5. Positivity- speaking with positive language, avoiding trigger words/phrases,

  6. Humour- not much boosts our birthing hormones better than a good laugh, they can tell jokes or remind you of those rib tickling experiences you have shared in your life together.

  7.  Affection- even better than laughter; touch, gentle massage, cuddles and kisses increase oxytocin and help our bodies to progress physically through all stages of labour and birth.

  8.  Advocacy- they can speak for you if and when necessary and protect the safety of your birthing environment; you need to be able to trust them as your protector.

  9.  Communication- this applies throughout pregnancy and birth, it means listening to the things you say and the things you don’t say.

  10.  Engagement and immersion- many partners turn up on the day/night and think that being there is all that matters. Actually, they need to be part of the whole experience; you need to feel they are with you every step of the way. They are not surplus to requirements, they are essential- just as their part in conception is required (in most cases) so is their active part in birth. If your birthing companion is biologically uninvolved that doesn’t mean they are emotionally removed- their engagement can and should be absolute regardless.

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Finally- birthing companions, put your phone away! Unless you are timing surges or searching for the playlist, being on your phone is not a suitable or useful activity to be engaged in during labour and it sends a subliminal message to your loved one that you are not truly present with her, see the previous 10 points for ideas on what you can be doing.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love from

Sheryl @simplynatal

P.S. If your birthing companion needs a little help to be everything you need them to be, a hypnobirthing course is a positive and practical step towards preparing them, and you, for the birth you deserve. Hypnobirthing courses are designed for couples, their presence is not extra but required, it helps you to connect and work together to achieve your desired birth experience, a birth experience that belongs to you both.

Sheryl Wynne